| How To Read And Respond To A Man's “Emotional World” |
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| Posted on Saturday, December 02 @ 07:20:15 PST by Editor |
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 Learn how a man and a woman can emotionally “connect” in a more direct way and bypass a lot of wasted time in dating, arguments, rejection, hurt feelings, mini break-ups, etc.
This ONE AREA OF MISUNDERSTANDING is the source of so many easily
avoided problems and challenges that ruin budding relationships for
smart, loving women with men, that it frustrates me to see it happen
because it's so easy to fix once you “get it”.
As you probably already know, men can be dangerous, or just plain
ignorant, when it comes to dealing with their feelings and emotions.
Here's a quick story along these lines that I've got to share with you …
Several months ago I was invited to speak at a conference to around 200
men about dating and relationships. I thought it would be fascinating
for all of us if we talked about how a man and a woman can emotionally
“connect” in a more direct way and bypass a lot of wasted time in
dating, arguments, rejection, hurt feelings, mini break-ups, etc…
I knew that if men could have more awareness around this, and use the
tools I had for them in my presentation to better connect with women,
then they'd be a whole lot better off. (And so would the women they
were dating!)
As you might expect, I saw more than a few blank stares in the audience
during this topic. It's not often you have a room full of men talking
about how to better “emotionally connect” to a woman. Well, we were,
and here's where it got even more FASCINATING…
When I got to the end of my presentation, I decided to take some
one-on-one questions from the guys in the audience. The first two were
great questions from a couple of guys that I could tell got a lot out
of the conversation. But then this third guy stood up. He looked like
your average, nice, thoughtful, polite guy and had a soft and
calculated voice. He quietly stood up, took the microphone and asked,
“Excuse me… but um… what's a connection?”
Wow! I was floored by the question… Not because I couldn't answer it,
but because of what it meant about him, and about other men who were
thinking the same. At that moment, I couldn't believe that a human
being could actually not know what an emotional connection with another
human being was. That still messes with my brain. Ok, maybe he actually
WAS an alien. But here's the point …
After thinking about it, I remembered that this guy who asked the
question about a connection was really just another man, and not even
much of an unusual one. And right then, as I thought about this, I had
an AMAZING REALIZATION. All the thinking, research, writing and
explaining that I've done in the past on how men are different when it
comes to communication and relationships seemed to actually sell the
idea short now that I had heard the truth “from the horse's mouth”. The
way men understand (or don't understand) emotions, feelings,
relationships and connection was even more extreme than I had thought
(and I already thought the differences were pretty extreme.)
Of course, after this happened, I scrambled for my journal, my notebook
and my laptop to write down what started pouring out of me. I began
digging even deeper into studies, research, interviews, observations,
and experiences from my life so that I could explain exactly what this
meant and what was really going on here inside the minds of most men.
That's when a lot of my most recent material on emotional connection
and what creates lasting and long term attraction in relationships with
men was created.
Lately, I like to ask women, “Have you ever taken the time to sit down
and really and truly picture and imagine what it must be like to be an
attractive and 'masculine' man?” Of course, the answer is always, “No.”
Men might act emotionally strong, indifferent, and even cold, but most
men are surprisingly fragile emotionally. The thing is… it's just not
part of their more “masculine” make up to display or talk about these
things much of the time and to avoid the opportunity they bring for
connection and intimacy.
Instead, they often express their emotions in more symbolic and
indirect ways when it comes to dating and relationships, most women
commonly misinterpret or react negatively to a man's “natural”
emotional displays. Think about this. Attractive men who are smart,
handsome, and successful are flirted with and approached all the time.
These men have OPTIONS. And some of the more “needy” and desperate
women who try for their attention have no idea whatsoever
what it takes to get an attractive man's attention and KEEP IT.
And even if these women do date a guy for a while and things “seem”
good, if a woman doesn't understand how things work for HIM, and how
his feelings are triggered without all the neediness, emotional
pleading, sexual enticements, etc., then there's no way the man's going
stay attracted and interested for the long term. It isn't “fair”, but
if a woman doesn't understand how to create attraction, how a man's
emotions open up and close off, and why … then a man just won't FEEL IT
for her as time passes - even if the connection USED TO BE THERE.
Understanding this mindset, how it affects a man's personality, and
(this is key) what kinds of “games” men play to diplomatically and
politely excuse themselves or withdraw from any future commitment is
HIGHLY important. I know how frustrating it can be with what seems like
so many “games” going on and so much to think about just for the simple
feeling and sharing of love. And isn't true love supposed to just
“happen” and be free of all this?
Well, the thing is, once you start to understand more about a man's
emotional world and how to help him tune into yours, it won't seem or
feel like work to you at all. You'll be able to get back into that
“flow” where love IS shared and expressed easily--and you will both
start to naturally understand and fulfill each other. Instead of
letting typical male “games” get to you, learn how to understand them
so you can keep them from happening, and make them work FOR YOU if they
do. If there's one thing that attractive men seem to respond to
universally, it's A WOMAN WHO GETS WHAT'S GOING ON EMOTIONALLY for
herself AND for him. THAT’S when a man will share his love with you.
Being a woman who already “gets” what an emotional connection is,
you're way ahead of the game with a man. Now you've got to learn
exactly how to put that advantage to use in your love life for good.
It’s time to learn to see things in a completely different way, which
will lead to you becoming attractive to men for more than just a fling.
Really. Your emotions and your ability and power to connect are your
own set of “pre-wired tools”. All you need to do is start using them
the right way.
Free email courses on understanding men's emotions.
Note: by: Dr. Lacy Leu - MS, MA, Relationship, Marriage, Family Therapist
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